So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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