there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
