What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Randomize
