Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Randomize
