We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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