I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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