East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
