Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Randomize
