I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
