he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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