Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
