can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
