i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Randomize
