I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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