I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
