I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
