i think my tv is drunk
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
