I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
