We should be called the Road Head Warriors
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Randomize
