I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
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