I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
