The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
