My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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