i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
