I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
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