Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Sorry my hands just texted you
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
