its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Gay?
German.
Pity.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Randomize
