it wasn't lemon gatorade
I wish life had little blips of pornography
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
