I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
At least life still wants to fuck me.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
