I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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