who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
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