i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Randomize
