I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
