I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
