There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
When did angry sex become our thing?
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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