Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
