I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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