Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Randomize
