um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
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