Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
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