You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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