when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
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