In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
