if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I enjoy the company of your penis
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