woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
