lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
