Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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