I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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