Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
