I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
