What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Last time i carry you out of a forest
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
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