i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
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