I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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