how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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