i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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