I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
