her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
